My dearest Scarlett Josephine,
There are a million and a half things that I am behind on today from being sickly, and if I am ignoring those things, it should be to get some much needed sleep.
However, I am having one of those moments.
One of those moments where it hits me, hard, just how fleeting your babyhood is.
As I nurse you back to sleep out on the couch, you startle, sit up, then nod back asleep with your pillowy soft cheek on my shoulder.
I am suddenly stricken by the unfamiliarity of that feeling.
You rarely give me that baby snuggle anymore.
You are much too busy mobilizing, too taxed with examining your world and attempting to disassemble it.
Much too busy for those quiet moments on Mommy's shoulder that we used to enjoy so frequently.
Your sweet, warm, breath is sweet and salty and that sensory intake cues up the day you were born in my mind all over again.
Every time I feel and smell that milky goodness I am reminded of that empowering and beautiful moment.
Sooner than I'll like, less of what you eat will be Mommy's milk and more will be big people food, gradually depriving me of that intoxicating baby potion you breathe on me and replacing it with stale kiddie breath.
I've come to realize just how sacred our nursing relationship is.
I would be a liar if I didn't admit that it gives me a great sense of worth to be everything in your life because of it.
As physically and emotionally taxing as it may be, it is infinitely more rewarding.
At my breast you are nourished, nurtured, comforted, and even taught. It is a special gift that I alone can bestow you, a responsibility that gives me great joy and pride.
We may not share a spoken language yet, but every day we have special conversations.
With our eyes, our smiles, our back and forth.
It makes me happy in a way that you will never know until you nurse babies of your own.
It's seldom easy in the beginning, but don't give up and rob yourself of that. As good as it is for your babies, its equally beneficial to you and the way you feel about yourself and your children.
I have always been close to my own mother, but not until I had babies of my own did I understand the depth of our bond and relationship.
And though it makes my stomach twist to think that before I know it the tables will turn and you will leave me, I am consoled by being able to look forward to the day when you will you nurture your own children, and renewing my bond with you through that experience.
My sweet, sensitive, curious, inquisitive, cheerful little cherub- I love you so much.
Never forget how special and beautiful and unique you are.
Your purpose and your gifts are limitless and without measure.
The Lord made you with such care, and I am so honored to be custodian of such a life.
Sleep sweet, angel.
-Mom
