end of an era

Today is Tenley's last day of pre school, she got on the yellow bus to PEEC for the last time this morning. I have that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. The feeling that accompanies the realization that the passage of time is an undeniable reality, she will keep growing whether I want her to or not, whether I'm ready for her to get older or not, and whether or not I'm paying attention to and savoring her childhood like I should. I want to throw up. 


Speaking of savoring. Here are some tasty morsels of the random things Scarlett says:


"Daddy, you can't nursey. You bo-bos need get weally bigger, yike mama's bo-bos."

To preface the next quote, we went to my granparents' 50th anniversary celebration in Phoenix last month, and on the way there Scarlett had an allergic, swollen, puking reaction to trail mix. Today, Scarlett and I both have gnarly head colds. She says this to me this morning:

"Mommy, I feel weally sicky. Needa go to da ho-tayl (hotel) and way down. Needa go way down on da bed at da ho-tay-o!"

I'll have to remember how cute she seemed saying these things today when we experience the inevitable post nap afternoon tantrum later...

Life. Currently.

Being a lazy person at heart is really starting to make me a crazy person, so I'm going to start to try and introduce more  (:::GASP!:::) structure into my (our) lives. I'm not sure anyone will read this, or if anyone would care to know at all (probably not), but I'm going to document a few goals so that maybe I feel accountable to cyberland in keeping them.

I want to study to be a good musician, a vocalist. It's really very important to me. I also need to brush up on the basics of dance and acting for the theater, because these days it's kind of a package deal to be on stage. A few problems though. ...

• A) It's of little value to my family until maybe I learn to play the piano better and can teach my children. I really REALLY want to be a more present parent.
• B) I'm starting over late in the game (I'm... a certain undisclosed number of years older than your average undergad) and don't have the same amount of undivided time available to me to rehearse and practice and study. Which kind of sucks.
• and 
• C) the most compounding factor in this dreams-seem-unachievable sandwhich: I have APPALLING time management skills. 

I also want to keep fresh in photography, I feel pretty passionate about artistic documentation of life. Hopefully this is a hobby that benefits our family as I do earn a decent side dollar every now and then and have volumes of fleeting moments with our kids documented on camera.

I also want to be healthy (er, healthiER, let's be real I won't be able to leave junk food and nappy time attitude completely) and I feel like that will benefit the whole fandamily. They eat their veggies but they (I include my husband in this) are addicted to eating mountains of breakfast cereal and drinking gallons of milk everyday.

So, goals? All boil down to managing my time more effectively to be a better and more present parent to my adorably maddening mischievous offspring while also feeling fulfilled personally (as if that's not a universal goal for parents everywhere). We'll see how I do.

By the way, I like to use parentheticals as my own little blog cartoon thought bubble. Get used to it. I also like to blog about really random things. This is mostly a public journal, I don't really care if you read it. :)

Also, someone take me to New York to see this show.

My blabbering that was too long for facebook: Waldorf

I was so in love with Greenfields Day School's philosophy on holistic style education and their positive approach, but it's just not in the cards for Tenley next year. The sweetest kinder teacher in the world there, Mrs Freiberger (who's specialty is child development and non traditional education) evaluated Tenley and thinks that the curriculum for kinder at Greenfields is too academic heavy for Tenley, as she believes it is for many or most five year olds. I have to agree with her. I've been skeptical of the western education model for some time. I don't feel like segmented and rigid learning of academic subjects sets a five year old up to be successful later in life. It feels stifling to me. The most important skills needed for that kind of thinking and comprehension are not yet fully developed for most of the five year old population.
While I was crying wondering what the absolute best thing for Tenley for this very important time in her life, she looks at me and says "watch Tenley playing. She is meticulous and smart and deliberate, this is really beautiful, this is learning. Please, please don't take this away from her. This is her building skills to be successful. Give her the gift of time." So then, I really cried. lol. She was right. She suggested a Waldorf school, because of their skills and arts based holistic approach. I've been deep in research on Waldorf and have to say I really love it. I think it's the absolute BEST thing for Tenley. We have a tour on Friday, and I'm really excited! I'm excited that I won't have to worry about Tenley getting shoved into a box that she doesn't fit in because she is different. She's special, and not in a handicapped way, she has special talents that she will give to the world one day if we are just wise enough to nurture and not stifle them.

Oh, and we still have to go through admissions, but private education costs a pretty penny. Luckily, the Arizona Waldorf School Foundation uses donated tax credits to help fund tuition for families like ours. Please donate free money that you owe the state or will get back anyway to Waldorf in Tenley's name! Here's how: http://tucsonwaldorf.org/arizona-waldorf-scholarship-foundation-tax-credit-program/


Here's a video about Waldorf, it really inspired me! (at about minute ten I really related)

Jax

Whoopsie, highlights of last year's holiday season :) 2011

So, I've neglected this blogsky a little. And by a little, I mean I've written two posts in the last year. In an attempt to recall some of my last year, I'm going to do some catch up posts. Maybe one for each or every other month. If for nothing else, for my own documentation. Just ignore if you wish :)

Here are some sillies that I thought were cute. Sillies at the table and sillies with Daddy. I love the ones of their little messy floor sleepover area in their room. Daddy and babies had a little snuggle fest on the floor and mommy laid like a starfish all night in bed, because she could. The early morning slap happy sillies were so cute.





















Below is Tenley not giving two f^@#s about picking out a Christmas tree. It was cold and she was over it before we even left the car.








Making a ginger bread house with Daddy! :)












Disney Lane!

Dear Daughters, Don't Hate Me

Tenley,

Tonight you and I saw the Disney movie, Brave. You said the funniest things, like "these are our moving tickets, mom" and explained what waiting in line meant to the people behind us, in case they hadn't heard me tell you about thirty five seconds earlier. I cried for an inappropriate portion of the film. I saw and me and you (well, you and I the way we used to be all the time, and are becoming less and less every day) in the mother and little girl in the beginning, hiding and playing and holding you down in my lap pretending to eat you up. I really could have eaten you, little kids young enough to have any trace of baby in them smell simply delicious, its just an indisputable fact. Then when the movie cut to the girl as a ornery teenager, I especially saw you. Which is beyond depressing. You are only four. You are not supposed to hate me that much yet. I'm so sorry I'm not a better, more patient mom. But to be fair, you've declined your fair share of my invitations for second (and third and twentieth) chances to act reasonably. Dear child, don't you know that it is much easier, faster, and far less emotional for me to put away your toys for you, put your clothes with the dirty clothes for you, put your garbage in the trash for you, put your plates in the sink for you, and get you ready to leave on my own, rather than the tedious, drawn out, pain staking mission that it is to coerce you to do these things for yourself? I don't push you to do them because it makes my life any easier, lassy (shut up, I'm still hearing all the Scottish talk from the movie in my head). It doesn't make my life easier, you never want to do them, there is always lots of wailing and gnashing of teeth. I do it because I love you, because I want you to love you. And as much as I want you to belong to me forever and ever and ever, you won't ever love yourself if you feel like you aren't your own. And if I always do everything for you, if you can't learn to start trusting yourself to things, you won't ever feel like your own. I still feel so helpless half the time, like I want to call all the "adults" in my life because they should be handling these things I feel I can't do on my own. It's an awful feeling. I want to empower you. I want to empower so much more than I want to possess you, and believe me, as much as I love the living daylight out of you despite your defiance, I want to possess you forever. I want to empower you more than I want to possess you, because I love you. So. Much. Even though you resist all of my efforts, 99.89% of the time, with all the piss and vinegar in you (of which there is plenty), and make me feel like you don't even like me. I love you that much, so please, don't hate me. I promise to make more dates with you so that we have many pleasant memories for you to draw from when you're grown.

I love you so much. Did I already say that?
I love you.

Mom

Crave Photography Giveaway

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New House

I'm light years behind on pictures and posting. Just popping in to post a few snappies from our first few nights in the the new house