end of an era

Today is Tenley's last day of pre school, she got on the yellow bus to PEEC for the last time this morning. I have that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. The feeling that accompanies the realization that the passage of time is an undeniable reality, she will keep growing whether I want her to or not, whether I'm ready for her to get older or not, and whether or not I'm paying attention to and savoring her childhood like I should. I want to throw up. 


Speaking of savoring. Here are some tasty morsels of the random things Scarlett says:


"Daddy, you can't nursey. You bo-bos need get weally bigger, yike mama's bo-bos."

To preface the next quote, we went to my granparents' 50th anniversary celebration in Phoenix last month, and on the way there Scarlett had an allergic, swollen, puking reaction to trail mix. Today, Scarlett and I both have gnarly head colds. She says this to me this morning:

"Mommy, I feel weally sicky. Needa go to da ho-tayl (hotel) and way down. Needa go way down on da bed at da ho-tay-o!"

I'll have to remember how cute she seemed saying these things today when we experience the inevitable post nap afternoon tantrum later...

Life. Currently.

Being a lazy person at heart is really starting to make me a crazy person, so I'm going to start to try and introduce more  (:::GASP!:::) structure into my (our) lives. I'm not sure anyone will read this, or if anyone would care to know at all (probably not), but I'm going to document a few goals so that maybe I feel accountable to cyberland in keeping them.

I want to study to be a good musician, a vocalist. It's really very important to me. I also need to brush up on the basics of dance and acting for the theater, because these days it's kind of a package deal to be on stage. A few problems though. ...

• A) It's of little value to my family until maybe I learn to play the piano better and can teach my children. I really REALLY want to be a more present parent.
• B) I'm starting over late in the game (I'm... a certain undisclosed number of years older than your average undergad) and don't have the same amount of undivided time available to me to rehearse and practice and study. Which kind of sucks.
• and 
• C) the most compounding factor in this dreams-seem-unachievable sandwhich: I have APPALLING time management skills. 

I also want to keep fresh in photography, I feel pretty passionate about artistic documentation of life. Hopefully this is a hobby that benefits our family as I do earn a decent side dollar every now and then and have volumes of fleeting moments with our kids documented on camera.

I also want to be healthy (er, healthiER, let's be real I won't be able to leave junk food and nappy time attitude completely) and I feel like that will benefit the whole fandamily. They eat their veggies but they (I include my husband in this) are addicted to eating mountains of breakfast cereal and drinking gallons of milk everyday.

So, goals? All boil down to managing my time more effectively to be a better and more present parent to my adorably maddening mischievous offspring while also feeling fulfilled personally (as if that's not a universal goal for parents everywhere). We'll see how I do.

By the way, I like to use parentheticals as my own little blog cartoon thought bubble. Get used to it. I also like to blog about really random things. This is mostly a public journal, I don't really care if you read it. :)

Also, someone take me to New York to see this show.

My blabbering that was too long for facebook: Waldorf

I was so in love with Greenfields Day School's philosophy on holistic style education and their positive approach, but it's just not in the cards for Tenley next year. The sweetest kinder teacher in the world there, Mrs Freiberger (who's specialty is child development and non traditional education) evaluated Tenley and thinks that the curriculum for kinder at Greenfields is too academic heavy for Tenley, as she believes it is for many or most five year olds. I have to agree with her. I've been skeptical of the western education model for some time. I don't feel like segmented and rigid learning of academic subjects sets a five year old up to be successful later in life. It feels stifling to me. The most important skills needed for that kind of thinking and comprehension are not yet fully developed for most of the five year old population.
While I was crying wondering what the absolute best thing for Tenley for this very important time in her life, she looks at me and says "watch Tenley playing. She is meticulous and smart and deliberate, this is really beautiful, this is learning. Please, please don't take this away from her. This is her building skills to be successful. Give her the gift of time." So then, I really cried. lol. She was right. She suggested a Waldorf school, because of their skills and arts based holistic approach. I've been deep in research on Waldorf and have to say I really love it. I think it's the absolute BEST thing for Tenley. We have a tour on Friday, and I'm really excited! I'm excited that I won't have to worry about Tenley getting shoved into a box that she doesn't fit in because she is different. She's special, and not in a handicapped way, she has special talents that she will give to the world one day if we are just wise enough to nurture and not stifle them.

Oh, and we still have to go through admissions, but private education costs a pretty penny. Luckily, the Arizona Waldorf School Foundation uses donated tax credits to help fund tuition for families like ours. Please donate free money that you owe the state or will get back anyway to Waldorf in Tenley's name! Here's how: http://tucsonwaldorf.org/arizona-waldorf-scholarship-foundation-tax-credit-program/


Here's a video about Waldorf, it really inspired me! (at about minute ten I really related)

Jax

Whoopsie, highlights of last year's holiday season :) 2011

So, I've neglected this blogsky a little. And by a little, I mean I've written two posts in the last year. In an attempt to recall some of my last year, I'm going to do some catch up posts. Maybe one for each or every other month. If for nothing else, for my own documentation. Just ignore if you wish :)

Here are some sillies that I thought were cute. Sillies at the table and sillies with Daddy. I love the ones of their little messy floor sleepover area in their room. Daddy and babies had a little snuggle fest on the floor and mommy laid like a starfish all night in bed, because she could. The early morning slap happy sillies were so cute.





















Below is Tenley not giving two f^@#s about picking out a Christmas tree. It was cold and she was over it before we even left the car.








Making a ginger bread house with Daddy! :)












Disney Lane!

Dear Daughters, Don't Hate Me

Tenley,

Tonight you and I saw the Disney movie, Brave. You said the funniest things, like "these are our moving tickets, mom" and explained what waiting in line meant to the people behind us, in case they hadn't heard me tell you about thirty five seconds earlier. I cried for an inappropriate portion of the film. I saw and me and you (well, you and I the way we used to be all the time, and are becoming less and less every day) in the mother and little girl in the beginning, hiding and playing and holding you down in my lap pretending to eat you up. I really could have eaten you, little kids young enough to have any trace of baby in them smell simply delicious, its just an indisputable fact. Then when the movie cut to the girl as a ornery teenager, I especially saw you. Which is beyond depressing. You are only four. You are not supposed to hate me that much yet. I'm so sorry I'm not a better, more patient mom. But to be fair, you've declined your fair share of my invitations for second (and third and twentieth) chances to act reasonably. Dear child, don't you know that it is much easier, faster, and far less emotional for me to put away your toys for you, put your clothes with the dirty clothes for you, put your garbage in the trash for you, put your plates in the sink for you, and get you ready to leave on my own, rather than the tedious, drawn out, pain staking mission that it is to coerce you to do these things for yourself? I don't push you to do them because it makes my life any easier, lassy (shut up, I'm still hearing all the Scottish talk from the movie in my head). It doesn't make my life easier, you never want to do them, there is always lots of wailing and gnashing of teeth. I do it because I love you, because I want you to love you. And as much as I want you to belong to me forever and ever and ever, you won't ever love yourself if you feel like you aren't your own. And if I always do everything for you, if you can't learn to start trusting yourself to things, you won't ever feel like your own. I still feel so helpless half the time, like I want to call all the "adults" in my life because they should be handling these things I feel I can't do on my own. It's an awful feeling. I want to empower you. I want to empower so much more than I want to possess you, and believe me, as much as I love the living daylight out of you despite your defiance, I want to possess you forever. I want to empower you more than I want to possess you, because I love you. So. Much. Even though you resist all of my efforts, 99.89% of the time, with all the piss and vinegar in you (of which there is plenty), and make me feel like you don't even like me. I love you that much, so please, don't hate me. I promise to make more dates with you so that we have many pleasant memories for you to draw from when you're grown.

I love you so much. Did I already say that?
I love you.

Mom

Crave Photography Giveaway

You have forty mins to enter an awesome giveaway at cravemyphotography.com!!

New House

I'm light years behind on pictures and posting. Just popping in to post a few snappies from our first few nights in the the new house

Expose Yourself: Day One

I failed to do the last expose yourself project, but the second one has started and this time I managed to start.

Two hours after midnight of the first day.

Shut up, I'm a procrastinator. 

You know it and love me anyway.

"My Style"
I have no idea what my style is. In life. In fashion. In photography.
Who knows.
So I picked an image I took from my first few months with my SLR.
I don't know why I love it so much.
I just do.
My style: Indefinable.

Bee Doop Bee Doop, Santa Baby...

Anyone else secretly writing to Santa now that Thanksgiving is over?
Wanna know what?
I think Santa has a Pinterest account.
Lucky for him, I've made it easy and have been pinning my favorite things.

                                                            

I really want to slim down and wear more dresses. I've realized that with a pair of leggings, it's SO much more comfortable than jeans. And cuter. And when I feel cute, I'm more productive. So there you go. A two hundred dollar dress from Anthropologie totally justified.

Source: anthropologie.com via Jacqueline on Pinterest

Also from Anthropologie, but more affordable! I really need an apron, I always soak my front doing dishes and wipe my hands on the hips of my pants when I cook :)

Source: anthropologie.com via Jacqueline on Pinterest

Who doesn't need riding boots?

Source: carlosshoes.com via Jacqueline on Pinterest

Picture frames from Organic Bloom. I LOVE THESE FRAMES! They are only vended through portrait photogs and I'm considering becoming a vendor and adding them to my 2012 photog biz rollout!

Source: theorganicbloom.com via Jacqueline on Pinterest

I want to start experimenting with off camera flash. I need one of these bad boys. They need to be five dollars. Not two hundred. Then I could have one.

Source: amazon.com via Jacqueline on Pinterest

I need a camera purse that can **safely** carry my personal things and my camera gear. I asked Santa for a JoTote camera purse last year as it was the least expensive of the cam gear purses. Well, there is a reason it is inexpensive. I should have read a few reviews before submitting my request to St. Nick. It falls apart and does not protect your gear.

Time to invest in the Coach bag of Camera handbags...Kelly Moore :)

Now, do I want the 2 Sues or the Mimi?

Source: kellymoorebag.com via Jacqueline on Pinterest

Source: amazon.com via Jacqueline on Pinterest

Source: kellymoorebag.com via Jacqueline on Pinterest

Black Friday

Black Friday to me means I'm catching up on my DISASTER of a home before I'm allowed to put up any Christmas decorations! :)

On a happy note, yesterday was the first day I've ever baked ANYTHING from scratch that didn't need to be thrown out. I made a healthy pumpkin chocolate pizookie (kind of like a pie, a deep dish cookie/pizza)  from the blog Chocolate Covered Katie. TO DIE! So good!

Pro tip:
Don't leave your back of chocolate chips near the stove while you're preheating the oven unless you want fudge sauce.

Sewing

I need/want to learn to sew! Right after I start/finish my expose yourself project :)

Of my one or two readers, who sews?
Do you actually make cute little dresses and such or is it more of a hassle than it's worth?

Pinterest

I ACTUALLY acted on an idea I found on pinterest. 

It was soaking apple slices in lemon lime soda or ginger ale (has to ACTUALLY have lemon, lime, or ginger in it) to replicate the preservative effect of the prepackaged slices so you can make your OWN ready to go packets of apple slices.

TA DA!

Poop

Any time I have a thought fly through my mind that I may want more children in the future,
someone immediately gets poop stuck/smeared in a place in the house where there should never be poop.
The cleanup is so complex, it's almost if it were a trick designed by the Maker Himself.
 

And then I remember, 

raising babes and tots is about, 

more than anything else,
 

...wrangling with poop.

School Girl

Tenley is doing so well in school and she is so proud of herself, which makes my heart glad.
We taped up one of her little art projects to the cabinet and now whenever she passes it she says,

"Look! Iss my very fayforite star! See?"
So cute.

Ha Ha.

Remember a long time ago when I said I was going to practice foreground framing and then post?

Yeah, I didn't really follow up.

These are the only ones I got.

Please pardon the non-editing :-)

Expose Yourself

I've been in a personal and artistic funk lately.

I've seen others do the Expose Yourself Project before and loved it, I thought this would be a perfect time for me to do mine.

About the project, from the project's facebook page:

"...This is a 2 week project for you photographer gals (and guys if you are so inclined) that are in need of desperate rejuvenation. As photographers we often go through rough patches, funks, and slumps. And this was made to help you to come out of those feeling inspired and alive. We will all challenge ourselves not only creatively as photographers, but in our own lives as well. I hope you will join us and EXPOSE YOURSELF...."



I'll be starting tomorrow :-)

Keep an eye out!

White Mountains

Just in case you aren't on facebook but still don't mind me bragging about how cute my kids are.
Just for the record, I adore Tenley just as much as Scarlett, but I really don't have any pictures of Tenley on this trip because I was watching Scarlett and my mom was watching Tenley most of the time.
Or an older child would be playing with Tenley around the campground.
Divide and conquer! :)

Elphaba

In kind of an Elphaba mood today.

Well hello there!

It's been ages since I've posted!

An update and an explanation are in order, but in the meantime, this is a favorite image of mine from our last trip to Disneyland.
You know, that place where every spare dime we have goes.
Ya, that one.

GLEEKIN' OUT, BABY!

Who is coming with me??
I'm a wee bit glee obsessed.
I'll be the crazy girl in the theater singing along. Pay no mind.

GLEE IN CONCERT 3D TRAILER!