Monday, February 28, 2011

Dear Tenny Bear

I am so sorry that I am not a more patient mother. 

It's true, parenting you is no easy task but that is no more  your fault than it is mine. In fact it is less your fault. You just came that way boo boo, and you've been through so much and you try so hard. 
As stressed out and exhausted and sometimes even unrightfully embarrassed as I may get with you, you are working harder than most other three year olds will ever have to, and that is worth so much to me. 

It's really not important what anyone, and I do mean anyone, else thinks of the way you handle things and the way I handle you. What is important is that I love you so much I can't stand it, and I'll do whatever I feel is best for you in my heart. Pardon my expression babydoll, but screw the rolled eyes at social gatherings or at the grocery store, you're doing just fine. It wouldn't hurt the general public to pick up some compassion. 

I am so proud of you and I truly truly treasure you. When I watch you sleep I still see that little baby in the hospital bed. Your lips part the same way and your closed eyelids make exactly the same shape. I feel that same aching in my heart. Back then I wanted to help you so badly but I couldn't, I was at a total loss as a mother. I did only what I could, I talked at you and adored you from your bedside, hoping that maybe you could feel it, and that it might fill your cold and sterile little world with warmth and motherly comfort.

I have that same longing now only I have the opportunity to help you, I just don't always know how. I'm trying so hard to figure it out. It's hard to know whats worse, having the problem out of my hands or having it in them and not knowing what to do with it. So here I am again applying that same hope as when you were a sick newborn. Hoping that in place of where I fail miserably at parenting you, that you might be filled with the earnestness of my love for you. That it might help bridge that gap. 

Bean, I lose my cool way more that I should and I am sorry. I love you so much. Forgive me and know that you are my adored first born, and that nothing you do could ever stop me from loving you.


a little piece of our song...

...Little one, when you play
don't you mind what they say.
Let those eyes sparkle and shine,
never a tear,
Baby of mine...

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like These, My Mama Said...

I can't do this anymore it's ridiculous.

I feel like I'm in effing prison.

Only prison is cleaner.
And there are no children in prison.

maybe I should commit a crime...

Thursday, February 24, 2011

The Girls' First Snow Trip

We sojourned with the chittlins up to Pinetop for a day so that Daddy could go snowboarding.
Dumb idea.
Never again.
Way too stressful, next year we will bring back up.
Like a grandmother or three.

There are no pictures of the kids in the snow.
They did not care for it.

The fire hydrant was my only willing subject of that particular height.

Hubby face has been working out.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Bad Mommy

Is it totally horrible to admit that while I feel awful that my spunkerdoodle is burning up, I love that she isn't all piss and vinegar like usual? She is full of cuddles and kisses and zero back talk. It both breaks and warms my heart when she is sick. There is probably a special lunch table in hell for mamas like me.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Annual Sushi Birthday Dinner: Mr An's

I've always thought Sushi tasted like licking a dirty fish hook, but this trip around I split my teppan meal with my brother in law's girlfriend and re opened my palette to sushi. With the help of my family and the gracious Bean, I am now liking *some* sushi. The seared Troy roll was delish, I liked the Tempura roll (neither of those are really "sushi" are they?), and of course the Philly because I love cream cheese. Jon and my in laws are much more adventurous with their Sushi, ordering "real sushi", aka raw fish on top of just rice and sea weed. 

Tenley and Scarlett were quite confused by the Teppan fire. Tenley more scared, Scarlett more fascinated.

Usually we all do a quail egg shooter (it's not alcohol, its a raw egg/soy/salmon roe/other crap concoction) but they were out of quail egg! So we all ordered snot oyster shooters. I couldn't do it, I got down to the oyster and it's sliminess touched my lips and I buckled. I draw the line with oysters.

We finished with Mo-chi (sp?) ice cream. Don't have a picture for that. I was too busy sharing poorly with others.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Lazy Friday. So Lazy it came on Tuesday

Don't judge me. It was my birthday.

Anyway, this is less of a helpful tid bit and more of a photographic alibi for my Lazy Friday absence. 

My hubby's birthday falls the day before mine and I wanted to make him a cake this year. Y'know, the wifely thing to do. At first I thought I would be all fancy and make something with fondant. After I finished laughing off that idea, I went out and bought some cake mix and Pillsbury icing in a can . Well, the least I could to was make him a layered cake out of it instead of plain ol' frosted cake in a rectangular pan.

Yeah that didn't work out.
Apparently, if you forget to mix in the egg before you pour the batter into the shouldn't go all ninja mixer with the fork trying to mix it in after the fact. You will take the flour and grease off the edges of your pan and end up with something like this when you try and take the cake out of the pan:

So the second round stayed in the pan and got frosted and icing lettered with my atrocious unsteady lettering skills. If I haven't said it already, my husband is one lucky fellow. 

And on top of it all I had my hands full with a very disgruntled three year old with a bad cold.
Yes. That is snot smear under her nose. 

Monday, February 7, 2011

fix it # 85, i heart faces {community image, my edit}

 Original Photo:

My edits:

Saturday, February 5, 2011

While Daddy's Away...

I'd love to finish that with "the gals will play", but that's not true. 
We all miss Daddy when he works triple shifts back to back. In honor of missing Daddy, here is one of my favorite pictures of Daddy and his princess on a lazy morning that consisted mainly of sleeping in with his girls. 
It was a good day.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Lazy Friday

I decided that I'm going to try and actually contribute something to the blogosphere.
Y'know, instead of just ranting and bragging about how cute my kids are (or are not, based on the day's level of mischief)

A quick lazy recipe, random lazy house hold tip, local deal, photograph tip, etc...

Don't get excited, it will only be once a week, Friday. I'm not that generous.
Nor do I have much of anything of value to impart on my bloggy friends. 

This week is ghetto photography 101.

I bought my low end D-SLR used for less than 300 and a 150 dollar portrait lens, and even though it was a steal, that about sucked me dry. That has been it for me and equipment until just very recently. 
With cropped format DSLR's becoming a popular choice for low middle income Mom's like me, I feel like I'm not the only one in the low tech photography boat. 
I'm notorious for coming up with ghetto solutions for my lack of equipment.
Today I'll share my favorite low tech solution to that hideously harsh pop up flash.
Meet my favorite flash diffuser:

That is a fleecy white baby sock.
I keep one next to my bag in my camera
next to my camera in my bag always.
(No I didn't plan that to be funny, I actually published it that way the first time)
Its quick and it does the job.
I still get my extra light without ending up with harsh light bouncing all over the place. 
That's how I achieved these.

Your welcome for my awesome wisdom.
Now you can't wait for next friday, I know.
All two of you.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

It doesn't always have to be pink.

Gender identity?  shmender shmidentity